I am a recently married man. I got married on August to my beautiful wife, Kayla. I wanted to make a list of 6 things it might be good for someone who is 1, enganged, 2, dating, 3, not dating, 4 married and looking for a good read. This list is anyone to read, but aimed for the first 2 I said above. This is not a fool proof amazing perfected list of must do's before you are married bt this is a list of things I did to help me.
1. Understand your standard: Know what you want and what you are willing to do (or not do) in the relationship .Know what kind of guidelines you want to set for each other. For those who are waiting for marriage for intimacy ( I highly recommenced everyone no matter what Religious preference they are just to wait.), to not be out past midnight. Also, never being alone. I do not care how much control the couple has, the love you feel is real and will naturally lead to expressing yourself more when you need to save for the right time. (after the I do's) Know what life goals you each have in mind and be respectful of the other's dreams. Look for ways to do them together.
2. DTR. This is a BYU-I term and many people may have heard it. Define The Relationship. They mostly apply to those who are dating and it has been a little while. (1 month, 3 days, 2 years. Whatever you think is a while) Sit down, and talk about where the relationship is going and were you want it to end up. This can be a awkward talk, but it is very nice to know what the both of you are looking for in the relationship. Before doing a semester-long, long distance relationship, my girlfriend (now wife) asked were this was going. We said marriage. Here we are, an awesome married couple. The couple who are talking does not need to to get to that conclusion necessarily, but knowing what each other wants can help both people understand what the relationship really is. Also, this does not have to be after a few day, little BYU joke.
3. Communicate!: Talk to each other, in person, not on the phone. When a person is busy throughout the day, yes text each other and see how each other is doing but take time in the day to talk to each other face to face. Tell each other how you feel about each other, about the day, problems going on, and really talk. Even when the couple are not in the same location, either talk on the phone or face-time/Skype. This will build trust and relive stress. Again, when we did long distance, we talked everyday and Skype with each other everyday. Some days, it was for many hours. (like our record 9 hours!) We are a social creatures, so socialize!
4. Get to know the family: Sometimes it maybe intimidating to meet someone's family for the first time. When you marry someone, you marry into the family. I have been welcomed into my wife's side of the family. Take the time understand who they are and what they like to do. Know their names, the couple will know the if in with the younger family members, if they like you, you are almost in! The parents. They love their kid, a lot and sometimes (if not the way longer) longer than you. Show them the respect they deserve. If you are yourself and respectful, they should love you too. Just like your relationship with their child, it took time so it may take time for them to warm up to you. We do not understand all the experiences the family has, it is a life time of experiences, do not expect to understand them in a 10 minute visit. They will not know you perfectly well either.
* To the men who maybe reading this and to the girlfriends who are, take note. Ask the father for her hand in marriage. If there is no dad, ask the mother or parental figure. This is a bonding moment. It may be nerve racking, or one of the easiest tasks for the boy ever, but it is worth it. (each relationship is different, remember that) It is better to not cause problems than aid to them.
5. Roles and children: Understanding the roles you want to have will help the couple grow towards those goals. What I mean by roles is who wants to stay at home to watch the children, provide for the family, or if you both want to work forever.This is a surprising conversation and can determine if this a relationship you want to keep pursing. This leads to children. How many children if any do you want into your lives (at least two to sustain the US's future economy and growth please ;) ). This helps the couple see their potential and what they want in their family.
6. Sexual relationship; *** I believe this is not a conversation that does not need to discussed until a couple is engaged to be married. Know or have a small idea for what you are comfortable in doing in the relationship. ONCE married the couple can discuss more of how and when they want to start having children and when it is appropriate to show their expression of love towards each other.
Know that the couple is starting a wonderful journey together. My last overall note for any couple is: Never go to bed mad at each other, nor let the day's dawn break still mad. I know it will be a wonderful journey.
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